This is the second of a two-part series on how our society both undervalues and overvalues sex.[1] On Monday we looked at how we undervalue sex. Today we look at the flip-side: how do we overvalue sex?
Despite trying to convince us that sex is only physical, our society simultaneously wants us to believe that good sex is what makes a life worth living. We put entirely too much weight on sexual fulfillment, so much so that character gets brushed aside in favor of physical beauty.
Physical beauty, of course, isn’t an inherently bad thing. But it can be devastatingly deceiving. King Solomon knew this, which why he wrote one of the most bizarre (and entertaining) proverbs of all time: “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion” (Prov 11:22).
This really is Solomon at his finest. Try to imagine the imagery. Here you have a gold ring: it’s valuable, it’s beautiful, it’s something, quite frankly, that just about anyone would want to have. The problem is, it’s attached to a nasty old hog. But our guy wants the ring so bad that he figures he’ll put up with the swine as long as he gets his gold. Every night he falls asleep with the satisfaction of having his gold ring…while 500 pounds of pork sleeps right next to him, too.
You ask, “What idiot would do that?” And Solomon says, “The person who thinks that sex and beauty are everything.”
This is painfully obvious (from the outside) when people are dating. Men will settle for hog-like character if they can get the gold ring of physical beauty. We’d be wise to remember that when Proverbs 31 describes the ideal women, nothing is said about her beauty. Well, not exactly nothing. There is one mention, and it’s disparaging: “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Prov 31:30). Beauty is good; character is better.
I remember when I first saw the girl who would become my wife. I thought she was physically beautiful—breathtaking, actually. But I also remember seeing her worship. I remember our first real talk, when we discussed Calvinism (be still my beating heart!). She was interested in people. She supported me. And I was totally hooked. It’s been a few years, and my wife is still beautiful, but I now know a woman who has sacrificially devoted her time and her body to having and raising our four children. She can’t devote all of her time to herself anymore. And that makes her all the more beautiful. There is nothing more beautiful than a beautiful spirit.
In our culture, we have a hard time believing that. We are convinced that the only good life is one where we look good, have thrilling romance, and enjoy great sex. We’re willing to give up anything to get it. So you’ll find a guy in his 50s who leaves his lifelong companion—and his kids—for a newer, younger model. He’s thinking, “I’ve got to have that ring; who cares about the hog of a ruined family?”
Sex is a beautiful gift from God, but if we make it into an idol, it will crush us. Every time. It will lead us to break God’s commands, to hurt those we love most, and to defame the name of Jesus in our community. So when people look at me strange for some of the ways I protect myself from adultery (I don’t travel alone, I don’t schedule private appointments with women), I’m willing to look like an oddball, because it’s just not worth it. Let people accuse me of overkill; I just know the power of sex and the weakness of me. And I’m not playing Russian roulette with my family.
The gold ring of beauty and of sex is simply not worth forfeiting your soul. It’s not that these things are inherently bad, just that they don’t give the true life that they promise. Fulfillment doesn’t come from looking good or having a sexually exciting life; fulfillment comes from God. The arms you seek in romance are his arms. In him—not in sex, not even in marriage—are pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16:11).
Don’t buy the lie that sex can satisfy your soul. It can’t. True life isn’t found in sex, but in the one who created sex as a reflection of true Love. So even if you never have the reflection in this life, you can have the real thing. Come to Jesus, and live.
For more, be sure to listen to the entire message here.
[1] I owe much of the insight here—particularly the “undervalue/overvalue” language, to Tim Keller’s sermon, “The Temptation of Beauty.”
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